Shadows of the Past
by Woman of Rohan
Summary: While on Nar Shaddaa, Atton is confronted with a face from his past who threatens his future with the Exile. After the incident, he has some explaining to do. Will she forgive him, or is their relationship forever scarred? There may be more chapters. R&R!
1. Shadows of the Past

**A/N**:** December '07: A sequel chapter has now been added to this story for your reading convenience! After much consideration, I believe that I may continue this fiction as an entire story... yep, that's right, there may be more chapters! But if you want more of this particular plot line and story arc, you really need to let me, the author, know! Honestly, if you want more, than I will write more! But I need feedback, first. **

This piece of fiction (the first chapter) was written for Albur's "Past Experiences" challenge over at Trillian4210's forum in November of '06, and I decided to continue it. Constructive criticism and reviews are always welcome and very very appreciated! I had a lot of fun with this. Many thanks to my dear friend Igrayne01, who helped me immensely when I got stuck with some plot ideas. I owe this one to you, girl!

-If you haven't read my previous story revolving around Atton and the Exile, her name is prounounced "glee-lee" for reference.

**Disclaimer:** Atton Rand and all recognizable characters belong to Obsidian Entertainment, but the name "Glili DeGuerre" is all mine. Other than that, I own nothing, but if I did I'd be a very happy girl!

* * *

When the _Ebon Hawk_ had touched down upon the bustling planet of Nar Shaddaa, Glili DeGuerre couldn't fathom a more pungent smell. But upon arriving in the refugee sector, she realized that it was indeed much worse… 

"Oh, Force…"

As the horrible stench overwhelmed her olfactory senses, Glili resisted the urge to cover her nose with her hand, trying to come off as polite among the displaced war veterans. Atton, however, noticed her gesture of discomfort as he accompanied her through the slums of the Smuggler's Moon.

"You'll get used to it," he said reassuringly, giving a characteristic smirk as he patted her on the back. "It takes time, but you'll get used to it."

"Thanks for the encouragement ," Glili said, with a hint of sarcasm. "I've never been here before, so it's nice to have someone who knows a bit of information about this planet."

"Yeah, well there's really not a lot to tell about this place. Nothing you can't get out of a holovid, anyway. This planet is a criminal's dream come true. Enough said."

Glili nodded, surveying the surroundings of the impoverished sector.

"I'm gonna take a look around and ask if anyone knows about this Jedi master we're looking for," Atton continued. "What's his name again? Zig-Ali Kay…"

"You mean Zez-Kai Ell?" she corrected politely.

"Yeah, him too." Atton winked at her as Glili rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't doubt he's here. I mean, if you want to get lost, this would be the place. Fat chance anyone's gonna find you. Even another Jedi would have trouble sorting through this mess. Uh… no offense or anything."

"None taken," said Glili. "Alright, well good luck. Hopefully our trip here won't be in vain."

With that, Atton and Glili headed in different directions, trying to cover as much ground as possible in their limited timeframe. Twilight had already begun to fall upon the sector and soon the majority of its inhabitants would return to their humble living quarters. She absentmindedly watched Atton as he started conversation with a young woman and to her surprise, a heavily accented voice sounded very close to her ear.

"You should be more wary of the ones you travel with, offworlder."

Glili spun around to face a blue male Twi'lek, a common sight upon the troubled planet. His demeanor was friendly, but something about the way he beckoned her sent a wave of uneasiness through her senses. She would have smiled at him in pure politeness if not for the rude way he had addressed her. Instead, she placed her hands upon her hips in an imposing stance.

"Excuse me?"

"Your human companion," the Twi'lek elaborated. "The male. We have met before."

"Huh. Is that so?" asked Glili. "Are you sure you're not mistaken? I mean, he's a pretty average lookin' guy… it's possible that you could be confusing him with another tall, human male."

The Twi'lek raised a cerulean eyebrow at her.

"Humans are not as common on this planet as you may think, offworlder. And I never forget a face, despite the fact that he has changed much. His name is Atton, is it not?"

Her eyes narrowed at the alien. "Yes… but how-?"

"That was the name I knew him by, many years ago... and I have not seen him since he came to this planet years into the Jedi Civil War," he replied emotionlessly. "He claimed to have been displaced after serving in the war. Judging by the look upon your face, he did not inform you of this?"

"No… no he didn't," Glili said, shaking her head. "He never mentioned anything about the war."

"Then he is lying to you. I know for a fact that he has been here. Do no trust him. He is not who you believe him to be."

He leaned in closer to her, lowering his voice to a harsh whisper as Glili's fair brow creased in apprehension.

"He is a killer, tried and true."

The man's disconcerting words hit Glili with full force and she froze momentarily as an icy chill sent a tingling sensation down her spine. Her breath hitched slightly in her chest and although she wanted to speak further to the man in order to find out how Atton had history with him, it seemed that she could not find the words as she remained stunned into silence.

"I can give you nothing more than this warning," the Twi'lek said in finalization. "The rest is up to you, but keeping such company will only cause pain for both of you in the long run. Keep that in mind. "

Glili watched numbly as her informant quickly disappeared into the distance of the refugee sector, leaving her with a thousand questions whizzing furiously through her brain. A part of her doubted the unfamiliar alien's words, but he had spoken with such conviction that she couldn't help but wonder if he was telling her the truth.

The Exile spent a good portion of time strolling through the sector and speaking with several of its occupants, but she found that it was extremely difficult to concentrate upon the task at hand. Despite her most fervent efforts to calm her racing mind, her troubled thoughts seemed to continuously drift to Atton. Her gaze fell upon the scoundrel several times during her conversations with the refugees. She watched him from a distance, anticipating his every move as if he'd suddenly show her a glimpse of the killer within…but when he finally approached her again, Glili found it incredibly difficult to find any obvious evidence of his supposed inner-murderer.

"Hey, babe," he drawled casually, approaching her with his usual swagger. "Any luck?"

"No," she snapped. "And please, don't call me 'babe'."

Atton raised his arms, facing his palms outward as if offended.

"Geesh… no need to get defensive about it. I didn't have any luck, either, if that's why you're so frustrated. These people are even more clueless than I thought."

He paused for a beat to observe her, noticing that Glili appeared uncharacteristically distraught.

"You all right? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

"I'm fine," she said hastily.

"You sure? You're not lookin' so well. You have the expression of a stuck mynock, now that I think of it."

"I'm just a little tired, is all," she lied. "It's been an exhausting day."

Atton took a moment to glance at the sky, as the faint light that shone through the sector began to succumb to the inevitable darkness of nightfall.

"Well, it is getting dark…" he started. "Why don't you turn in for the night? You know, head back to the _Hawk_ and get some rest? That way you can get a fresh start for tomorrow. I'll escort you back, if you want."

Glili tossed the idea around in her mind for a few seconds before she noticed Atton's peculiar choice of words.

"Wait… what do you mean, 'escort me back'? You aren't staying on The _Hawk_?"

"Are you kidding me?" he laughed. "While the Refugee Sector may be sleeping, the rest of Nar Shaddaa comes alive. I thought I'd take a trip to the local cantina. You know, ease my mind and relax a bit, maybe have a couple Jumas and play a round or two of Pazaak. And if we're lucky, I was hoping to find some information about our lost Jedi Master."

She highly doubted that Atton's intentions of finding valuable information were sincere, especially if he planned on gambling and becoming intoxicated to some extent, but the notion was appealing to Glili, nonetheless… especially since it would give her the perfect opportunity to inquire about Atton's past and his history with the Twi'lek.

"In that case," said Glili, "I'm coming with you. People are known to lower their inhibitions and let their guard down in cantinas, so this may just be the opportunity we need to find some much-needed information."

"Persistent as ever, eh? Can't say I'm surprised," remarked Atton, "In any case, I don't think you'll be disappointed. Even if you don't find any information, we'll still have a good time. I'll even buy you a drink, if you want."

"Thanks, but I don't drink."

"Oh, right. Jedi restraint and all. Well, then you can just enjoy my company while we try to find some information about Zippy-Kay Lala…"

"For the last time, it's Zez-Kai Ell!" Glili scolded, once again rolling her eyes at the man. "At least get it right!"

Atton wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders, punching her upper arm lightly as they made their way out of the refugee sector.

"I know, I know… I'm just screwing with you! You need to lighten up!"

Although Glili attempted to be firm with him, a smile crept unbidden onto her face. Atton's genuine and lighthearted attitude towards her was making it increasingly difficult to believe the Twi'lek's stinging words. Deciding not to dwell on it too deeply, she tried to enjoy Atton's company as they made the relatively short trip towards the Entertainment promenade.

The main route towards the cantina was startlingly barren compared to when they had first arrived. Only a few straggling citizens remained active at such a late hour, along with several shady-looking shop owners and provocative women. The aura of the sector at nightfall was eerie, to say the least, and a feeling of desperation seemed to be apparent at the tip of Glili's senses. Despite her Jedi status and unparalleled capability with a lightsaber, she found herself sticking close to Atton, as he seemed more familiar with such surroundings.

Glili tried her best to shake the feeling of uneasiness coming over her, but she couldn't deny that somehow, something felt _wrong_…

She followed Atton down a particularly grim-looking alleyway that lead towards the cantina, and she stalled momentarily as something in the shadows caught her attention.

"Did you see that?"

Not noticing that Glili had stopped, Atton was a few feet ahead of her as he spun around to face her.

"See what? Is something up?"

Glili remained still, surveying her surroundings. "You don't sense anything?"

Atton's hand immediately came to rest upon his blaster.

"Maybe you're more tired than you thought," he said, glancing over her with concern. "You sure you don't want to head back to the ship?"

The words had scarcely left Atton's mouth when Glili felt as someone grasped her roughly from behind and a yell of surprise escaped from her lips. Before she had a chance to reach the lightsaber that hung from her belt, the cold steel of a vibroblade was held dangerously close to her neck, rendering her motionless as a wave of fear shot through her senses. Glili watched as Atton made a lightning-fast grab at his weapon, only to be stopped by the man's threatening and somewhat familiar voice.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Glili's captor casually, pressing the metallic blade of his weapon closer to her throat. "Touch one finger upon your weapon and she dies."

As his voice echoed throughout the alley, Glili realized that her assailant was none other than the Twi'lek that she had spoken to earlier in the refugee sector.

"Drop your weapon now," the Twi'lek demanded. "Drop it and slide it over to me."

Atton hesitated, as his eyes shifted frantically from Glili's pale face to the Twi'lek that threatened her life. He couldn't get a good look at him, as his face was concealed behind Glili's blonde locks. His fingers twitched slightly, hovering over his holster where his trusty blaster lay dormant.

Becoming frustrated with Atton's disobedience, Glili's captor tightened his grip around her and the blade inched ever closer to her neck.

"Drop your weapon now or I will end her life!"

Glili took a few settling breaths, closing her eyes as she collected herself. She was helpless to do anything at the moment. This battle was for Atton and Atton alone.

"Just do it, Atton…" she stated calmly. "Please."

With a murderous intent written upon his previously calm features, Atton looked as if he wanted nothing more than to tear the alien limb from limb. He restrained himself admirably and obeyed, dropping his blasters before kicking them over to him.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?" Atton growled. "If you know what's good for you, you'll let her go. You don't know who you're dealing with."

"I know exactly who I'm dealing with, Atton Rand," came the Twi'lek's smug response.

Atton's face registered a mixture of shock and surprise, with his mouth slightly ajar.

"How do you know me?"

"Oh, I know all about your dirty little secrets… but you don't remember me, do you? I figured as much. Amazing, isn't it? How you can ruin a man's life and not even remember it as you carry on from day to day, as if nothing ever happened… how do you even sleep at night, Rand?"

"Atton," Glili gasped. "What is he talking about?"

"I don't know," he said abruptly. "I just don't know."

"Ah, but you _do_ know, Rand. I know you remember… you just don't _want _to remember. After all, why would you want to remember the faces of the people whose lives you've ruined?"

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

The alien pivoted his neck slightly, so that his face was finally revealed from it's hiding place behind Glili. His intense yellow eyes seemed to bore into Atton's very soul, and that's when it hit him like a blaster bolt to the heart.

He had seen those eyes before.

At that moment, a flash of swirling images came rushing violently back into his head, almost beyond his control. The events of that night were still as distinct as they had been during the war, all those years ago…

_Atton "Jaq" Rand stalked silently through the slums of Nar Shaddaa, holding a datapad within his grasp. A message had been encoded into the small device, impossible to read by anyone who did not know the key to the random series of galactic symbols and letters. But Jaq knew its message well. His current occupation_ required _him to follow these blatant orders so that he may carry out his orders dutifully and without question. If he didn't, the penalty would be a fate more terrible than death, and he had no intention of allowing such a fate to befell him._

_Jaq's mission was simple. A member of his squad, a young male Twi'lek by the name of Hasheem, had recently defected, disappearing without a trace. Or so it seemed for a short time, until he was tracked down and his preciously kept secret was exposed. This particular Twi'lek had ties to the Republic and during his short time as a Sith soldier, he had been feeding his cohorts valuable information regarding the war. The man was a traitor, a scoundrel, a worthless spy… and he had to be taught a lesson._

_So this was where Jaq came in._

_It initially occurred to him that murdering the man would solve their problem easily. However, in such a scenario, his fate would be determined swiftly and with a minimal amount of pain and suffering. In fact, according to the Sith standards, the man would be let off of hook easily, like a dead Firaxen shark that had been speared after coming too close to the shallows. He would never even know what hit him._

_But of course, this was not what the Sith took pride in._

_Hasheem would suffer endlessly for his betrayal, for his disloyalty, for his disgustingly false nobility… and for that reason alone, Jaq was standing outside of the apartment where the traitor's wife resided, instead of Hasheem's own hiding place._

_It took Jaq a matter of seconds as he effortlessly overrode the electronic locking mechanism on the door, and he slid into the woman's modest living quarters, slinking into the room as stealthily as a shadow and just as silently. His dark clothing camouflaged him perfectly among the dim atmosphere of the apartment, with the faintly glowing rays of the moon functioning as his only light source._

_As was common on such missions, Jaq wasted no time in completing his task. His silhouette opened the door to the bedchamber in a gentle gesture that was completely unnecessary, considering what he was about to do, and his lithe frame sidled into the room as he came to stand near the edge of the bed._

_Jaq stood motionless, silently observing the sleeping silhouette of a Twi'lek female. Her magenta skin was bathed in the soft moonlight, illuminating her delicate features, and Jaq couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. She was so young, so peaceful, so serene… and she looked to be in a deep sleep, probably lost in some far away dream where the war was over and she was allowed to live in peace and harmony again with the love of her life… but that dream wouldn't last long. Jaq would make sure of that._

_A vibroblade was suddenly pulled from its sheath at his side, gleaming menacingly as light danced upon it's blade in the darkness. Without a sympathetic thought in his mind, Jaq slit her throat in one swift, practiced, movement. She didn't have time to react or scream for help. Not a sound was emitted from her lips. Her life was quickly extinguished and she was left to lay upon her crimson sheets like a tragic portrait painted in blood._

_After the deed was done, he exited the apartment and crept back into the damp alleyway as quickly as he had came, thoroughly pleased that he had succeeded in his task without delay or distraction. As he wallowed in his grim thoughts, it came as a surprise to him when he saw that a blue male Twi'lek was heading in his direction. The alien did not look worried nor concerned in any way and Jaq could tell by the lightness in his step that he must be on his way to visit a loved one… it was, without a doubt in his mind, Hasheem: the very man whose life he had just destroyed. Oddly enough, he felt no pity as they crossed paths. In fact, the Twi'lek seemed so jovial that he nodded his head in greeting, focusing his distinctly yellow eyes upon Jaq's face for a fleeting moment before continuing on his way._

_And without hesitation, Atton looked straight into those eyes and smiled._

Atton set his jaw, trying to rid the horrific images from his brain and Hasheem took immediate notice of his comprehensive expression.

"Now," he said, "Do you remember, Atton?"

When Atton didn't respond, the alien sneered evilly.

"I asked you a question!" he screamed, and his blade pressed itself against Glili's throat. She released a whimper, feeling a slight trickle of blood drip down her neck.

"Yes, dammit, I remember!"

"So then you know what must be done."

Atton shook his head, trying to think of a way to reason with him. Never in his life had he imagined that he would have to deal with the repercussions of past experiences… not after they had long been forgotten and buried. Depite where he went, the crimes of his past seemed to follow him around like a shadow of death.

"Listen, I did a lot of horrible things in my past that I'm not proud of," said Atton sternly, "but you can leave her out of it. Your debt is with me, not her. So let's settle this."

Hasheem grinned, looking quite twisted.

"Funny, how hypocritical that statement is. You didn't settle your issues with me during the war. Instead, I buried my wife along with my happiness. And now, I want you to suffer as I have suffered."

"Just- just wait a minute-" Atton stammered, but he was cut off by Hasheem.

"There is no time left for words. Only actions may speak now."

"Please," said Glili quietly, speaking for the first time in several minutes. "You don't have to do this. We can settle this more peacefully."

"I have found no peace in my life," spat Hasheem, pausing momentarily as he readied his blade and leaned in close to Glili's ear. His sinister voice took the form of an inimitable whisper.

"And that is why you must _die_…"

In the second that the man delayed, Atton watched as Glili unexpectedly threw her head backwards in one last act of desperation, making a solid connection with the Twi'lek's face. Hasheem stumbled, releasing a string of moans as he clutched his nose. While he was distracted, Glili's lightsaber sprang to life with its sapphire blade shining like a beacon in the darkness. She turned her blade upon him, severing his weapon before holding her lighsaber threateningly, pointing its blade at his defenseless form.

"Kill me," Hasheem begged, cradling his rapidly bleeding nose in his hands. "I no longer wish to live. I no longer wish to suffer…"

Glili offered him a sympathetic expression, despite the fact that he had planned on taking her life just moments ago.

"I will not kill you…"

"She won't," said Atton darkly, as he came to stand beside her. "But I _will_."

Before Glili could stop him, Atton had recovered his blaster and he made no hesitation as he pulled its trigger. The bolt of energy hit Hasheem square in the chest with fatal aim, and he dropped to the ground, instantly dead. Glili spun to face Atton, looking at him incredulously as he stood with the smoking blaster still in hand and a grim expression upon his face.

After a pause of several moments, he placed his blaster back into his holster and turned to face his companion, looking her over to make sure that she was unscathed. The shallow laceration on her throat was strikingly noticable against her pale skin as he moved closer to her.

"Are you alright? It looks like you're bleeding…"

He reached out a hand to touch her and was deeply disappointed when Glili pulled away from him with a look of repulsion.

"Why did you do that?" she asked quietly.

Atton's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What?"

"Why did you kill him? You didn't have to do that..."

"He threatened your life! What was I supposed to do? Just stand there and watch as you tried to show him the light? Sorry, babe, but I'm not that patient. The guy was clearly insane."

Glili folded her arms after extinguishing her lightsaber, regarding him with a scowl.

"Was he insane, Atton? Because from what I just witnessed, I don't think he was insane at all. Obviously, he wanted revenge… because _you _did something do him."

"If you'd give me a minute, I can explain..."

"No, save it," she snapped. "I don't want you to explain anything right now . I think I've seen enough for one night. As far as I'm concerned, that man was right about you."

She gestured toward Hasheem's lifeless corpse and Atton's gaze followed her line of sight.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded. Glili leaned in closer to him, focusing her eyes upon him with an intense gaze.

"You are nothing but a _murderer_."

The words hung heavily in the air and Glili's harsh statement sliced through Atton like a knife, cutting deeply into him and hurting just as badly. Atton snarled at her, trying to keep his bubbling emotions in check.

"You have no idea what I am."

"You're absolutely right," said Glili, throwing her hands into the air in frustration. "I don't know anything about you, Atton, because everything you've ever told me has been false. And the only way I seem to get any truth out of you is by accident. I don't even know who you are any more! Hell, I don't even know if you really _are_ Atton!"

"I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be!" he exclaimed, pointing a threatening finger at her chest to further emphasize his statement. His dark eyes held her gaze, unflinching. "I'm a different man than I used to be. I swear to you."

"We'll see about that," she challenged. "Won't we?"

Glili pushed past him, fully intending on getting as far away from him as possible, but she was stopped in her tracks when Atton grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her backwards.

"Where do you think you're going?"

If she had been angry before, Atton's rude behavior only made her more furious, and Glili yanked herself away from his firm grasp.

"Don't touch me!" she said, with a flicker of danger in her eyes. "I'm heading back to the ship. I need to be alone for awhile."

"You can't just head back there alone," he reasoned, "You've seen how dangerous this place is. And besides that, you could get lost."

"I can fend for myself," said Glili, but her voice softened considerably. Her features seemed to reflect a remarkable sense of uncertainty towards him, mingled with a hint of sympathy and pity. "I think you should be more concerned about yourself, Atton. You're the one who seems to be lost. Maybe one of these days you'll find yourself again."

With one last lingering glance at Atton, Glili strode down the alley, leaving him standing alone in the bitter gloom of Nar Shaddaa. Never had he felt so lonely, so utterly neglected... and most of all, remorseful over the deeds of his past, as they somehow found a way of haunting him and shedding darkness in his path when things were finally looking bright.

For lack of anything better to do, he stared after her as Glili's silhouette disappeared into the shadows before glancing down at the Twi'lek whose life he had taken. With morbid fascination, he observed the gaping hole in the man's chest, still simmering, still steaming... but at that moment, it seemed to Atton that the fatal wound was nothing compared to the hole that was left in his own heart.


	2. Bad Karma

**A/N:** **UPDATE! January 5th, 2008.** This story, as of right now, is** no longer considered "complete"** as I previously stated... I've got some feedback stating that this story may be better with more chapters added, so it feels more complete... and I may do just that. However, the readers truly need to let me know if you want more of this, or if I should leave it as it is. I have a lot of other KotOR stories that I'd like to write, but I certainly have more ideas about where Glili and Atton could go after this particular chapter (and other characters, too!). I can make it into a whole entire story, but that cannot happen without more feedback... this is not a plea for more reviews, mind you. I just really need to know if I should consider these two chapters complete, or if I should continue it! I'll be writing more KotOR fiction either way, but I need to know what the readers want:)

Regarding this chapter: it was in the works for a while, and it was basically just a matter of me actually having time to sit down and finish it. It's been quite the busy year for me (can't complain, though), and I apologize for the delay and lack of stories.

For reference, my Exile's name is prounounced "glee-lee." As always, reviews, constructive criticism, and feedback are _greatly_ appreciated! If you leave me a review, you'll make my day. Honestly! Authors live for that sort of thing... ;)

Many, many thanks to my two wonderful friends and beta readers, Igrayne01 and Ewanlover64. Your friendship, inspiration, and support are deeply appreciated! I love you ladies to death!

**Disclaimer:** Atton Rand and all recognizable characters belong to Obsidian Entertainment, but the name "Glili DeGuerre" is all mine. The lyrics to "The Story" belong to 30 Seconds to Mars, respectively.

_

* * *

_

_I've been thinking of everything_

_I used to want to be _

_I've been thinking of everything _

_Of me, of you and me _

_This is the story of my life _

_These are the lies I have created _

_-30 Seconds to Mars, "The Story" _

* * *

The distinctive clinking of a glass upon the table signaled to the bartender that his patron's drinks were running low. 

"Hey, another drink over here…" Atton drawled, when the human seemed to stall. "And keep them coming."

The bartender obeyed his request as he casually filled another cup full of Juma and placed it in front of him. Without hesitation, Atton downed it before wiping his mouth on his sleeve, staring into the blank space behind the bar. A series of images from the preceding hours flashed simultaneously through his mind, despite his attempt at erasing the disturbing events of the evening from his memory. The Exile's words still resounded through his head, echoing deafeningly in his ears and making him feel even more guilt-ridden than he already was.

_"You're the one who seems to be lost. Maybe one of these days you'll find yourself again."_

When Atton had taken the Twi'lek's life in the dark alleyways of Nar Shaddaa in fear of Glili's endangerment, he hadn't contemplated her reaction for a second. If anything, he figured she'd be grateful for his heroic act. Instead, the utter look of shock and disappointment on Glili's fair features would forever be etched into his memory. She had looked so repulsed by him, so utterly torn, and Atton was helpless to do anything but sit back and watch as the blood of his past remained upon his hands, haunting his future and following him as closely as his own shadow…

_And she doesn't even know the beginning of it…_

Atton shook his head grimly, quickly gulping down another glass of Juma as if the beverage would put a hinder on his dark thoughts. He didn't even want to consider how she'd react when he eventually mustered up the courage to tell her the extent of his affiliations with the Sith, all those years ago…

Despite Atton's desperate attempts at consoling himself that he had done the right thing, he just couldn't convince himself to believe it. Even the buzz of alcohol in his system could not help that fact. Somewhere within his tainted heart, Atton knew he had made the wrong choice, even if it was done with the best intentions. He briefly entertained a scenario in which he returned to the Hawk and fully explained himself to Glili, coming clean about his past… but the idea of drowning his sorrows with alcohol was far more appealing.

_You screwed up bad, Rand. And now there's no hope for you…_

He frowned deeply, rubbing his tired eyes with the palms of his hands.

_Maybe she was right… Maybe I truly am lost._

"Hello handsome. You need some company?"

A feminine voice broke through his thoughts and Atton turned his head slowly to see a Twi'lek dancer sitting upon the barstool next to him. She rested a slender green elbow upon the tabletop, staring at him with an intense gaze.

"What makes you think I need company?" he asked, fiddling with an empty glass as he tried not to make eye contact.

"You're a handsome man and I thought you might need some… reassurance," she said simply. "Your eyes tell me you are very lonely."

The woman leaned closer to him, balancing precariously on the edge of her seat as she gave a pretty smile.

"I'm not lonely," said Atton, "I just want to be _left_ alone. There's a difference."

"I see no difference. Either way, a fine man such as yourself should not go without companionship. And I am pleased to offer such a service."

"I'm flattered, I really am," he drawled. "But I'm not in a good position right now, all right?"

"If it is a matter of _positions_, you have no worries…" she whispered seductively, with her mouth mere inches from Atton's ear. Her breath tickled his neck, sending an unwanted chill throughout his body.

"Please, just leave me alone. I don't want any trouble."

"Oh, I assure you, I am the most pleasurable kind of trouble there is."

To Atton's surprise, the woman's hand trailed downwards as it fell upon his upper thigh, giving his leg a suggestive squeeze while her other hand came to rest upon his jacket. As his anger peaked, Atton was out of his seat with lightning speed.

"Get the hell away from me, will you? I'm not looking to be propositioned!"

The dancer looked nonplussed, but released her grip and resumed a standing position beside him. He had drawn the attention of several bar patrons as Atton glared at her, with his darkened eyes daring her to come near him again. Much to his dismay, she seemed unaffected by his presence and merely adjusted her rather revealing outfit.

"Suit yourself," she purred. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"Don't worry, I don't plan on it…"

Atton watched the woman saunter off before seating himself once again, and the curious bar patrons immediately resumed their previous activities. Deciding not to linger in the cantina and risk the chance of getting himself into any more unwanted encounters, Atton ordered one last drink before signaling to the bartender he was ready to pay.

"How much do I owe you?" he asked casually.

"That'll be fifty-three credits," said the bartender, quickly calculating the number of drinks Atton had consumed.

"All right…"

Atton casually reached into the pocket of his jacket in order to retrieve his wallet, only to come to a curious and somewhat disheartening discovery:

It was no longer there.

He gave a slight chuckle as he realized he must have placed it somewhere else, so he plunged his hands into the pockets of his pants. His eyebrows immediately rose in surprise. Once again, his wallet was nowhere to be found. The bartender, meanwhile, stood impatiently, tapping his fingers against the bar top.

"Hey, you gonna pay or not?"

Atton was becoming a bit nervous as he patted his jacket and his pants once again to be absolutely sure he hadn't misplaced anything, but his voice suggested a carelessness he didn't necessarily feel.

"Just gimme a minute…"

Trying to stall, Atton ran through the various scenarios of what could have possibly happened to his wallet. He would have bet his entire Pazaak deck on the fact it had been in his pockets only moments ago, and he was absolutely sure that he had it in his in his possession before leaving the Hawk with Glili earlier in the evening. Since arriving in the bar, he had merely had a few drinks before he was engaged in conversation by the Twi'lek woman…

Realization dawned upon Atton as he glanced in the direction of where the dancer had disappeared, and his fists clenched in anger.

_That conniving little Schutta!_

"C'mon buddy," said the bartender. "I've got rounds to make. You got the cash or not?"

"Funny story," Atton started, giving a chuckle. "I had my wallet, you see, but I think it's been stolen."

"Stolen?" The bartender certainly didn't look as if he believed him, so Atton continued in earnest.

"Yeah, I was talking with this Twi'lek, one of your dancers, I think… beautiful girl, by the way. But when she left my wallet was gone."

"Are you trying to imply that one of my dancers pick pocketed you?"

"Well, no… I mean, yeah. I think so."

"My dancers are a lot of things, pal, but they aren't thieves," exclaimed the man as his face turned an impressive shade of red. "So don't you go blaming this on my girls. If you couldn't pay, all you had to do was say so, you scum! We ain't no charity! And I don't appreciate my girls bein' blamed for the wrongs of others!"

"Listen," said Atton. "I'll pay you back. Honestly. I just need to get back to my ship and I swear I'll have the money…"

As Atton trailed off, the bartender bellowed for assistance.

"Hey boys! We've got a freeloader on our hands! Why don't you teach him a lesson or two?"

Before Atton could protest, two burly men appeared from the corners of the bar, looking quite murderous. It seemed that at any given moment, they would tear his limbs from his sockets with the ease of a rampant Wookiee. Judging by their gruff appearance and massive size, there was no doubt in Atton's mind that they were more than capable of such a feat. The scoundrel barely had a chance to react as they grabbed each of his arms rather roughly. The bar patrons cheered wildly as Atton was abruptly dragged across the length of the room and toward the exit.

"Hey, take it easy!" Atton yelled in protest to his treatment, but the men paid his pleas no heed.

Once they had crossed through the cantina's entrance, the bouncers released him for a split second. Atton hardly had time to realize what was happening before the larger of the two men punched him in the face, his wide fist making a dizzying connection with his nose. He groaned in pain, holding his hands to his face as he felt the unpleasant warmth of blood gush through his fingers. Just as soon as the first man assaulted him, the second man followed shortly after, punching him yet again and sending him immediately to the ground. As he lay helplessly upon the street, they proceeded to kick him in the ribcage repeatedly, leaving Atton in a haze of pain and gasping for air.

"If you ever show your lyin' face around here again," he threatened, "We won't hesitate in terminating you on the spot."

"And remember, kid, you got off easy," chimed the second man. "First offenders are lucky. If you ever come back, we'll take our money from your hide."

With that, the two men returned to the cantina and Atton was almost certain he could hear cheering and a round of applause echoing from within its walls.

He wasn't sure how long he laid sprawled and broken upon the cold earth, but it felt like an eternity. Tonight was apparently not the night in which he found himself again. Groaning quite miserably, Atton realized he would eventually have to return to the Ebon Hawk and thoughts of Glili once again resurfaced, filling his heart with dread.

_Well this is just wonderful_, he thought to himself. _Just my luck..._

He lay on the ground for several more minutes before finally righting himself, sending a shockwave of pain throughout his torso and limbs. Resisting the urge to yell and curse the heavens for his horrible misfortune, Atton limped slowly back to the_ Ebon Hawk_, suddenly wishing the men had indeed terminated him.

* * *

In her quarters on the _Ebon Hawk_, Glili DeGuerre sat cross-legged, intently meditating on her current predicament on Nar Shaddaa. While the rest of the crew had long been asleep, the fallen Jedi could find no rest. 

She rid her mind of all conscious thought, relying upon the Force's currents to guide her. If she concentrated hard enough, perhaps she could detect Zez-Kai Ell's presence amid all of the noise and clutter upon the broken planet. It was a scarce chance of success, but Glili was ever-determined. She meditated for quite some time before she detected a stab of pain on the edge of her thoughts. It was quiet at first, hardly detectable…. but the undeniable feeling slowly intensified. It was not her pain, but the pain of another, and the uncomfortable sensation mingled within her very bones. At first, she dared to believe that she had sensed the lost Jedi Master, but she soon realized that she was deceiving herself. It was undeniably one of her companions. They were the few people that she often felt closely, somewhere in the depths of her thoughts.

Glili gathered her robes around her and headed down the corridor of the ship and into the main hold, carrying her lightsaber as an extra precaution. As the presence in the Force grew stronger, she realized who had intruded at such an ungodly hour. As she suspected, she could see Atton's silhouette sitting upon a chair near the center of the room. She palmed the light switch and watched as Atton covered his face with his hands, and the scoundrel gave an audible moan as light flooded into the room.

"Where were you?" She demanded calmly. "You were gone for quite some time."

As she neared him, she had no doubt that he had been to the cantina. His clothing reeked of smoke and alcohol and she resisted the urge to crinkle her nose at the pungent odor.

Glili's question was met with deafening silence. And then:

"None of your damn business. Don't you have something better to do than concern yourself about where I've been all night?"

Atton's words were noticeably slurred, further solidifying that fact that he had been out drinking. His voice was also slightly more nasal than usual.

"I like to keep an eye on my allies, especially the one who's going to be piloting this ship for me," said Glili.

"Yeah, well good for you. It might be time to find another pilot, then. Drinking an' flying don't mix, sister. "

"Now, I don't think that attitude is really necessary!"

Hands planted firmly on her hips, she prepared to scold him further, but instead watched as Atton placed his head in his hands and released a low moan.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Atton slowly turned his head as the light fell upon his face, revealing his bloodied features. As she closed the distance between them, Glili wasn't sure whether to comfort him or hit him.

"_Dammit_," she cursed. "What did you do this time?"

Glili placed a hand upon his crimson-stained cheek, but Atton recoiled from her touch and rose to his feet.

"Nothing! Just leave me alone, alright?"

"Atton, you look awful. And you're bleeding! You weren't attacked, were you?"

"I'm fine, really. And I wasn't attacked. Thanks for _caring._"

She opted to ignore the sarcasm in his voice as she grasped his arm.

"C'mon, Let's get you into the Medical Bay so I can take a look at you."

"I told you, I'll be fine!" he said, tugging his arm away from her with a menacing glare. "I don't need your sympathy. Why don't you do yourself a favor and just go back to your damn Jedi business? Business that doesn't involve _me_."

Atton pointed at his chest to clarify his point and stepped away from her, but Glili grabbed his arm more insistently, jerking him towards her so that she was looking straight into his eyes. Although he tried desperately to hide his pain and turmoil, his emotions betrayed him for a split second, and through the will of the Force, she caught a glimpse of the storm that threatened to overwhelm his heart.

"Stop being so stubborn!" she demanded. "I just don't get you! Why is it that you're the first to shut everyone out? Do you enjoy basking in your loneliness? Or do you just like it when people feel sorry for you?"

"The only person who feels sorry for me is _me_," he snapped. "Sorry to disappoint, but that doesn't look like it's going to change any time soon. Believe me, things are better this way. You don't want to get involved."

"Why not?"

"Because you may not like what you'll see."

Atton's brow was furrowed in a deep frown as he spoke. Glili reached up to touch his cheek once again, and he flinched as if she'd physically harmed him.

"How can I be the judge of that, if you never _let_ me see?" she asked quietly.

"Well, geez, don't get all sentimental with me," he scoffed, but Glili's features softened.

"Listen, Atton, I know that it's hard for you to let people in, but I want to help you. You don't have to explain yourself to me right now, but you can at least allow me to tend to your wounds._ Please_, let me help you."

Atton observed her warily for several moments as they searched each other's faces. At last, he gave a nod, the only indication that he was giving into her request.

"Now, that's better," said Glili. "Let's get you fixed up."

Glili grasped his arm, and Atton allowed her to aid him into the Medical Bay as he stumbled alongside her. Once in the relatively tiny room, Atton sat down upon the edge of the cot as he held his nose in his hands, preventing another gush of blood from dripping. Glili began sorting through the medical supplies as quickly as she could while she scavenged through the endless drawers and cabinets. She readied a cold compress and took a seat beside her companion, placing a gentle hand upon his shoulder.

"Let me see…"

Atton's bloodshot eyes met hers and he hesitantly removed his hands from his face, displaying his clearly-broken nose. The damage was much more apparent under the full, vibrant light of the Medical Bay.

"Wow, they really did a number on you."

"I guess this is what you Jedi would call 'bad karma,' huh?"

A smile tugged at the corners of Glili's delicate lips.

"Well, The Force does work in mysterious ways..."

"You can say that again," said Atton, giving a slight, albeit forced, laugh. "The Force must really hate me."

"I highly doubt that." Glili held the compress ready, inching her hands closer to his face. "Hold still, now..."

As gently as she possibly could, Glili held the compress to his nose and Atton jerked away from her.

"Ow, that hurts!"

"Shhhh! You're going to wake up the whole ship! Just try to stay still, okay?"

Atton grimaced as Glili ministered to his injured nose, and his whole body was remarkably tense as he struggled to remain still.

"So, what did you do to deserve such a beating?" Glili asked, in hopes of distracting him.

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

"Some schutta stole my wallet before I could pay for some drinks at the bar. As you can imagine, that didn't go too well."

"And what, may I ask, were you doing to put yourself in such a situation?"

"She wanted to jump my bones," he said, as a twisted grin spread across his face briefly. "But I was in no shape to take her up on her offer."

"Oh, _great_. That makes me feel so much better, Atton," said Glili, with a roll of her eyes. "What ever happened to your plan of finding Zez-Kai-Ell?"

"Sorry, I ran out of good karma along the way."

Glili shook her head as Atton continued to grin. "You're really something..."

She concentrated on Atton's injury until she was satisfied that the swelling and bleeding had lessened, and she pulled the compress away to examine his nose once again.

"That doesn't look too bad. You should be fine for tonight. I'm sure that Mical can fix it in the morning once everybody is awake."

"_Wonderful_," he said. "I look forward to it. Well, uh, thanks for the hospitality. I think I'll be going now; it's been one hell of a night."

Atton abruptly rose to his feet and in doing so, released quite an audible gasp. He doubled over at the waist for a moment before he quickly righted himself and looked to Glili for a reaction.

"If you think I didn't see that, you're mistaken," she said. "Get back onto that cot. _Now_."

"I'll be fine, honestly. I've had worse."

"I certainly don't doubt that you have, but you should really let me take a look at your ribs. They could be broken."

Glili noticed his hesitation and he opened his mouth to protest, but she would have none of it. She cocked an eyebrow at him, waving a threatening finger.

"Don't make me force you."

Atton frowned deeply, resuming his position upon the cot.

"Now, off with that jacket and shirt."

A wry smile came unbidden to Atton's mouth at the demand, despite his apparent pain.

"Why can't you be saying those words in any other context?"

Glili merely glared at him.

"Fine, fine…"

Atton managed to dispose of his jacket on his own, but he needed a bit of help when it came to removing his shirt. As the skin of his torso was revealed, Glili's eyes narrowed in concern while she surveyed the deep, angry bruises that were already apparent upon his pale ribcage.

"Lie back... I need to check for any fractures."

"All right, but be gentle with me."

He obliged, and once he was comfortable, she placed her palms upon his skin and found that it was extremely warm to the touch. Atton gasped loudly, and for a moment Glili thought that she had hurt him. She was somewhat surprised when Atton grasped both of her delicate hands within his own, swiftly pulling her away from him.

When she looked at him apologetically, he merely mumbled: "Your hands are cold."

"Sorry," she said, offering a sympathetic smile. "My hands are always cold. Typical spacer's hands, I'm afraid."

Her hands remained in his grasp for several moments before he released her, allowing her to continue the examination. As Glili gingerly pressed here and there, Atton allowed his gaze to fix upon the fluorescent lights that adorned the ceiling.

"So, does this mean you're my personal nurse now? I might be able to get used to this."

Glili paused for a moment to look him in the eyes.

"Are you always this cheeky?"

"You could say that."

"I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No, no, not at all."

The words had hardly left Atton's mouth when Glili pressed upon an area of significant bruising, and the scoundrel gave a cry of pain, looking ready to jump through the ceiling.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay," said Atton through gritted teeth. "I'm fine, it's just really sore..."

"And with good reason," said Glili, "because you have several broken ribs. Unfortunately, I can't mend bones with the Force. Not yet, at least. But I'm sure that Mical can tend to your ribs as well. For now, it looks like some pain reliever and bed rest will have to do. Think you can handle that?"

"Sounds good to me."

Glili readied a small syringe full of pain reliever, and Atton suffered the injection with little complaint as she stuck the needle into his shoulder.

"Sorry if that hurt," she apologized again, once its contents were emptied. "It'll help with the pain, I promise."

Atton rubbed his sore arm, allowing himself to settle back against the headboard of the cot.

"Thanks. Aside from you jabbing your fingers into my ribcage you're actually really... gentle."

Although his comment was in jest, he had hesitated before settling upon the word "gentle," and Glili couldn't help but inquire about it.

"Does that surprise you?"

Atton shrugged. "Well, I don't know. A little bit, I guess. I suppose I don't get to see your softer side all that often…amidst all the battles and all. I think you'd make a decent healer."

"You know, it's funny you should mention that," said Glili quietly, "Because I wanted to be a healer as a young girl, before I became a true Jedi."

"Really?" Atton looked genuinely surprised as Glili nodded.

"Yes, I wanted to use my abilities for the greater good. You know, take care of people, make the world a better place. But the Council decided that my potential would be better suited towards the war efforts, on the frontlines of battle. I became a warrior rather than a healer, and I often wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had chosen my original path."

"But do you regret it?"

The question caught Glili slightly off guard, but she smiled nonetheless.

"Never," she said with conviction. "It's made me the person I am today."

Atton nodded, and he seemed to contemplate her words. A few moments of silence passed before either of them spoke again.

"So where did you see yourself being today?" Glili asked. "You know, when you were a kid?"

"Honestly?" Atton gave a sardonic chuckle. "Dead."

"Oh, you don't mean that. Seriously?"

"Believe me, you have no idea. I did a lot of shady things in my past," he admitted. "Things that I'm not proud of. Looking back on it, I should have been dead hundreds of times over…"

"But you're not," said Glili. "That's got to mean something, right?"

"Well, yeah... but I'm not entirely sure if I have anything to do with it. This might sound crazy, but sometimes I feel like someone, or something, is out there, watching over me and keeping me alive. And I can't help but feel that I was meant to be here, to help you." His features darkened considerably and his eyes narrowed. "But I suppose after tonight, I'm more of a let-down than a hero..."

"No, no... not at all, Atton."

Atton's eyebrows rose with interest as Glili continued:

"You were actually very heroic. Without you there, that man could have killed me. There's really no knowing what he might have done."

"Well, you didn't seem very appreciative at the time," he noted. "Kinda the opposite, actually."

"I know, and I regret the way I acted towards you. I think that I was just scared… because after all of this time traveling together, I still know nearly nothing about you. I suppose I could have been more open about myself as well, but I hardly know anything about your life prior to meeting me on Peragus. And when that man called you a _murderer_…"

She trailed off, shaking her head, but Atton finished for her.

"You thought that you'd made a big mistake, right?"

"Well… yes," she said honestly. "And I shouldn't have passed judgment on you so quickly, especially when it was solely based on the opinions of a stranger. For all I know, you might have had your reasons for doing what you did. I know for a fact that I have just as many lives to answer for. I was hypocritical."

It was clear that Atton was somewhat surprised by her admission, but he spoke to her in earnest.

"I guess I shouldn't have blatantly lied to you, either," he said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Some companion I make, huh? If you still want to know, I'll tell you about the whole thing. You deserve to know the truth."

Glili smiled, pleased that he was willing to speak to her so openly. She could sense the barricade of his well-hidden thoughts opening to her. Whether it was the effects of the medicine running through his veins or true sincerity was uncertain, but it was a start.

"See, that's the thing. I've reflected on the matter, and while I want to know more about you, the past doesn't matter any more. Not now. Not in these dark times. Although the past shapes the present, it doesn't determine our future. We can be whomever we choose to be, for better or for worse."

"So you don't care, then? About who I was before?"

"I wouldn't mind learning a bit more about you... but I can't judge you for things that you've done in your past. It's like we're all starting with a clean slate. Tabula rasa, if you will."

"I don't understand. How can you be so nonjudgmental?"

"Such is the way of the Jedi, Atton. You can learn to do the same, if you allow it. I sense great potential in you, despite what you may think about yourself."

"Wow, potential… these are some pretty heavy words you're throwing at me." Atton had to pause as he gave a great yawn and settled back further onto the cot. He blinked several times, as if trying to keep himself awake. "I hate to say it, but I'm way too tired for all of this inspirational Jedi-talk… not that I don't love it, of course…"

He winked as he gave a weary smile, and Glili once again found herself rolling her eyes at the scoundrel.

"I think that's the medication talking," she laughed. "The shot I gave you is probably making you tired. We can talk more tomorrow, but for now I think you should get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us, and I want you to be fully alert for finding our lost Jedi Master."

She stood up and pulled some sheets over Atton's legs, while gesturing to one of the many cabinets that surrounded the perimeter of the room.

"There are some spare blankets in that drawer. You can rest here for tonight and I'll send Mical in to tend to you first thing in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan."

While Atton made himself comfortable, Glili busied herself with cleaning up the medical supplies that she had made use of. As she walked over to one of the control panels to adjust the lighting in the room to a dimmer setting, she could distinctively feel Atton's eyes upon her back. Silence once again hung heavily in the air. And then:

"Hey, Glili?

She turned to see him propped upon one elbow, and he was indeed staring at her. Mildly uncomfortable, she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for patching me up… and for giving me another chance. I'm not really used to it, you know. But it's nice for a change."

"No thanks are necessary, Atton," she said quietly. "Rest well."

"Yeah, you too."

With that, she flicked the lights off and exited the Medical Bay with a faint smile upon her features. Perhaps Atton hadn't yet found himself, but she had faith that he would eventually.

_"You're the one who seems to be lost. Maybe one of these days you'll find yourself again." _

And if he needed a bit of guidance along the way, Glili would be there for him.


End file.
